I emerge like a tree from a dirty seed;

The Methodist church in the St. Joseph's convent premises, Whitefield, Bangalore sang 'The first Noel' as the opening hymn on 2nd Dec. I love the cover on the hymn by Pentatonix. Their vocal range is a work of angels! I also love the fact that two of the band members are openly gay. They threw caution to the winds and are living their truth. Not easy while working on Christian songs. They have my respect and admiration. Hope they inspire more people who are saddled by the expectations of their faith and are resigned to living double lives. It's amusing to see how fundamentalist Christians believe that God who is not limited by flesh worries about who someone has sex with. Perhaps, they would rather follow Paul and Peter than Jesus, who wouldn't refuse a party invitation from them ;) Here's a quick snapshot:- From left to right: Avi Kaplan, Kirstin Maldonado, Scott Hoying, Mitch Grassi, and Kevin Olusola BIO Three-time Grammy® Award-winning an...

It hurts but I can handle this Nooooooo I am going to be here for a while. Happy face. Happy face. Surrender. Accept what doesn't change.  Witness the pain. Ignore the needle. Embrace freedom!  That's more like it. Not easy but beating pain one smile at a time. I am in control. Let's finish this and move on.  There is freedom at the end of pain. Stay. Conquer! And, Selfie with bestie Thanks, Pradeep Jr , Astron tattoos. I enjoyed watching the design come alive after I gave him a couple of reference pics but spoke more about the emotions and philosophies I wanted it to represent. This might very well be my only tattoo. He manifested it. Mighty impressed!

Nah. Jessa Crispin, the author of 'why I am not a  feminist' uses click bait statements and of course I expect Guardian to publish this. There is no sound reason to call out Sheryl Sandberg for trying to limit regulations because as per her she was protected by feminists (what logic is that). Sheryl could have been over protective as her job requires it and if Mark Zuckerberg attends the hearings, 'that's because he is the CEO and he is accountable. Sheryl doesn't deserve this vitriol. She has done more for women in opening up a dialogue, starting with not changing her name or identity after her marriage, dealing with her husband's death with grace, and even using it to help others. Jessa sounds too bitter. Jessa, since you have made it abundantly clear that you are not a feminist, please play on your own lane. We have enough issues to address and dealing with you highjacking the narrative is a distraction. The best part of being an adult is there is nothi...

Cyclone Gaja has uprooted lives. 33 are already dead and 80,000 have been evacuated. The farmers are facing the brunt of it. I hope that the Government deals with this horrible situation with grace. There i enough media attention when the flood hits prominent places. Let's not forget that natural disasters do not distinguish. Help out. People in Tiruvarur , Thanjavur, Pudukkottai, Dindigul and Trichy need us. I still couldn't find donation links. I will update when I do. May God have mercy on us.

Cool visuals!

It's beautiful how our thoughts are validated with synchronicities if we pay attention. I was thinking about the trade-off between feeling alive vs living life sedated only the previous day. I even sent that message to a friend. The next day, I was surprised to see this update on Jesse Elder's page. What does feeling alive mean to you? To me, it's about living our purpose. What's essential to living our purpose is seeking the answers to the following questions:- Am I feeding off the Universe? Am I allowing it to use my energy to support its expansion? Am I happy? Do I understand that our joy has over-arching benefits? There are far more comfortable ways to live life.  It's easier to live with a distracted mindset. We can be melancholic and then go through the motions of what's expected of us. We can detach, ignore short term memories, and be in a constant state of bliss. We can also let the bias of the world guide our decisions and thoughts. Be a sla...

Sometimes, I run away Away from the madness Away from the chaos If I am lucky, I miss my shadows If it's a normal day, I disappear into my light I weave a cocoon of misted sunlight There, I grow my wings I splash on my colours I grow I glow Sometimes, I hit the darkness Stumble on a cocoon that I didn’t weave A swathe twisted with rays of the dark night I am chewed in I am swallowed I don’t know the way back I don’t know if I would be back When I hide Even in my bright days I loved being found By the Divine source of life Like a Sunflower thirsting for the light In my dark nights I can’t call out All I need, all I hope for, all I care about is to be found

That wall you build around you is blocking your sunlight Those little locks around your voice rations your breathing You are your own prisoner And, you are choking to death So, fuck those rules Don't waste 5 minutes on fake small talk if all you need is a favour Don't ask yourself whose turn is it to split the bill There is no optimal time to visit Or the right words to life's usecases Hack the auto pilot mode in your head Wake up! Take a sledge hammer to your wall Stop the suicide of your authentic self Oh, don't bother searching for keys Breakaway Breathe... Run! Fly!! -Sajithra

ENLIGHTENMENT 1. There is compassion in destruction The flyaway ashes reveal an ancient fire The mirror that shows my ugly parts Becomes my guardian angel. 2. Not long ago, staying high on bliss was home I found darkness a trace of sunlight, just painted black Now, crystalized scales fall off my eyes I wake up and panic in the abyss Should the choices remain the same? Well, what's your poison?, the voice asks A pleasing lie Or an ugly truth I ask for neither The truth was always there And, the lie was my set of blinkers Break those horse tacks But give me a new set of eyes 3. I could go back to sleep Color nightmares into my personal rainbow. Make demons my dream-catchers And, when a skeleton lurks in the darkness Shout in jest 'Happy Halloween to you'. 4. I could remain wide awake Burn hot in the embers of truth Hedge my bets Sharpen the spears Wage my battles from an unstable, bleeding, dark crevice. Or 5. I could watch the battle but kno...

I found a mall under construction. Planning to spend time to access my hidden parts and work on my art. It's about purging. Having the courage to peel off the defenses. It's about tearing off the walls and the priming of social constructs. It's messy. I would either come out with a new perspective or make a choice to go back to the illusion. Either ways, a journey worth the pain. I might not be updating my blog at least for a week..

I had a long phone call with Sugi like the good old days. If everything works out well, after Sugi does her usual Dec stay at my home, I will plan a week in Singapore with her. Fingers crossed! Life is beautiful :)

Sugi has been quite busy with her new work and classes. She reached out today. When she did, I wasn't really surprised. Benj Anna and I had a conversation about telepathy earlier this week. Sugi and I definitely have that. Pauline and I had it too. Sensing energies, knowing when to talk, using similar words, and at times replying when the other person had only thought about that question becomes natural and so does synchronicity. It gets stronger with time and acknowledgement. That doesn't work with Benj Anna though and Sanju is not in my frequency either. You can only see the ones in resonance. It's a gift to find people with a connection that is much stronger than the physical reality. That's how life's mission becomes clearer because we are not meant to do this alone. Everyone who has walked the path of the Universe with impact had at least one person in their life with that connection. Cherish it when you find one.

Back home with the babies :)

4:39 It's raining. I need to get the kids! I wasn't able to get an Ola cab. Run through the rain and find an auto? That should be fun. Damn. I need to find an ATM for cash. Or hope that Ola has the online option autos avaiaavai.

'A star is born' is intense. Not the kind of movie one watches while thinking about a best mate's suicide. However, the movie spoke to me. I needed that. Bought a cool Carpe Diem T-Shirt. Pardon the chipped nail polish and the going for a morning jog face. That was the idea of having an off day. I don't care.

Should I have stayed back in my room with a book? Going to watch 'A star is born'. That should engage my mind.

After aimlessly wandering with this song  on loop blaring on my head phones, stopped for brunch at Cafe Noir Smoked Salmon Bruschetta and mocktail.

Today, I am planning to appreciate the good things in life. I have the entire day. So, planning to do things that I enjoy. It's appreciation day.  I am at Starbucks. I don't feel like having coffee but this is what I like. Almond Biscotti and a Lemon loaf cake. I will finish this and decide what to do next. 

Pauline, Happy birthday! I will see you soon enough!!  Beautiful Beautiful death!!! LYRICS Carry on my wayward son For there'll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don't you cry no more Once I rose above the noise and confusion Just to get a glimpse beyond the illusion I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man Though my mind could think I still was a mad man I hear the voices when I'm dreamin', I can hear them say Carry on my wayward son For there'll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don't you cry no more Masquerading as a man with a reason My charade is the event of the season And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know On a stormy sea of moving emotion Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean I set a course for winds of fortune, but I hear the voices say Carry on my wayward son For there'...

When people come together and agree on something that is not self-serving, expect miracles. The paths can differ but the source remains the same. When I was on a coffee break, this update made me smile. The kid was in the ICU on a ventilator. She got admitted for H1N1 influenza (swine flu) yesterday. 4 people died in Bangalore within 44 days because of this outbreak. More concerning with children. I do believe that when a group of people pray without selfishness, there is a manifestation of healing - but only if that's meant to happen. It's unfortunate when some preachers make it a parlor trick. If they could turn it on at will, they should stay in hospitals. It doesn't need to be dogmatic or religious. There is a higher power above us, a reality beyond our perceptions. When we focus on that, we will also remember who we are.

If you haven't seen eaglets learning to fly, go here to explore. There are very few things that are more satisfying. I should remember to take a video tomorrow. The old ones must have moved in during Aug, accounting the time to hatch and fly. I started spotting them everyday only around Sep though it was quite often for a couplr of months and now some new families are nesting too. Interesting! I found this story online but could not find the actual source. How inspiring! Don't overthink. Jump. Fly away! The sky is the limit. The nest of young eagles hung on every word as the Master Eagle described his exploits. This was an important day for the eaglets. They were preparing for their first solo flight from the nest. It was the confidence builder many of them needed to fulfill their destiny. "How far can I travel?" asked one of the eaglets. "How far can you see?" responded the Master Eagle. "How high can I fly?" quizzed the young eaglet. ...

Pakistan warns of 10 surgical strikes against India  * *Conditions apply That reminds me of Pakistani singer Atif Aslam. The man is gifted! This is from the Pakistani film Bol. Only Politicians benefit from this conflict between India and Pakistan. May Love win over hate! This song means 'Love is bound to happen and it happened' Hope that's true for Pakistan-India soon enough!

A few eagle families are making my apartment complex their home. I saw one carrying a stick for its nest this week. I wish I had taken a pic. I see one everyday.  If I don't, my mother seems to get a fwd of an eagle that she sends me, and one day a friend shared a video without knowing the plot - it was about  a team called the eagles with a coach who used 'gratitude even for miseries' the secret to success. Sugi asked me if I shifted since I have been seeing one everyday. There weren't any when she visited in December . Now that the eagles are nesting, I don't see just one. I see a convocation of eagles. This is a video from 9th Oct. I was back from my yoga class and focused my camera, hoping that an eagle wouldcome towards my direction. It took mere seconds. Eagles are majestic and powerful. This makes me reconsider my desire for vulnerability. Why choose it when you can be powerful. We are a part of the Universe and we share its power.

Death is a drug. Ask anyone who tasted it but were spit back to the land of the living. The only reason not to die is reverence for the plans of the Universe, the possibility that the presence can be beneficial for the family and others. I have never understood why people fear death. It's inevitable and sometimes the absence helps people more if the survival aspect of the family is taken care of.

Keep your wings light Don't load it with steel hulls Don't bother painting it to match the rainbow Who cares if it's polished enough to reflect the skyline Soar above Rustic, Unadorned, Unfettered Don't put in work to deserve the skies You can't And, you don't have to Let go Risk the fall Soar above Dance to the music of your heart strings There is no formula, no framework, no sprint plan No perfect set of wings to compare yourself with The wind doesn't hold pageants My perfectly flawed girl, soar above Stop running away when it rains Trust your wings And soar above the Clouds -Sajithra

    October is a bitter sweet month. My best friend Pauline would have been 36 on October 17th. She chose to remain 16 forever. I don't remember much from the week she committed suicide. It's all a blur. I must have repressed to cope. I remember only pieces of it like torn away pages from an old book. It's fading. It's crumbling. And, I let it. Perhaps, it's a fairy tale and I had to rip off the last page because I didn't want it to be a tragedy. We both were new to that School and met after we signed up for an inter school competition. We were in the same class. I ended up coming first in quite a few. The first sentence she spoke to me was 'I think, I envy you' with an expression of concern. I remember telling her that envy is okay as she wasn't acting on it. She had an impeccable command over English. I admired her. We became inseparable after that day. We worked together and would come back with enough trophies every time. If she were not a...

I choose to be your friend, for it is in the deepest of grief that you find the secret of joy. I choose to make you my muse, for a memory of you is all it takes to touch God. I choose to hold your hands, for there is no difference between the most intense pain and pleasure. The weightessness bubbling at the edge of both. I choose you as my teacher, for it is destruction that makes things anew. Grief and I, We are old friends And, we always meet with our companion Joy. This Trinity is yours too But only if you learn to choose.

Today is Mahatma Gandhi's 150th birth anniversary. Thirumurugan Gandhi has crossed his 50th day in prison. This is his speech at the UN that got him arrested under sedition charges. He is in the ICU now. After 50 days of no medical attention, Doctors convinced the government to admit Thirumurugan Gandhi in ICU. He was kept in a dark room with no windows even before he could be convicted. The Police forced him to travel 9200 Kms, often without bio breaks. And, all because he spoke against the state sponsored massacre of peaceful protesters who were against Sterlite, a company that floated environmental laws and caused an out break of cancer and skin diseases.  The sacrifice of people like him is enough to sink this fascist government.Goodness will prevail. The proxy government in TN based on an unholy alliance will fall.  Kerala, ruled by the Communists that they so despise is growing stronger. It's funny to see the government branding people against the govern...

Joy She steps out of the restaurant loo to find her Sunglasses missing And with it, those pretty paper towels carefully tucked under too Her eyes sweep the room once And, then she breaks into a smile. Losing can be liberating One less junk to care for One less residue of her vanity One less space in her memory She had packed two for the trip Those glasses from a 'buy 1 get 1 free' deal Blue, the color of the sky And, brown, the color of the earth She felt like the sky that day But the brown, beautiful earth beckons still -Sajithra

There is joy in giving The warmth you send from the fire of your heart The smiles you get to chisel And, the frowns that you erase There is also pain The kind that is concealed in a room with no key Givers are invisible Givers are taken for granted Givers don't get thank you notes Their hugs go unreturned So, the Universe hugs them under its wings Everyday, the sun sends down love with its rays Scattered into tiny bits for them to find They find that in a stranger's kindness A child's innocence A beautiful feather the wind brings in Some days, it's the question 'Have you eaten' Or the store clerk offering to carry your bag The role might not change That's okay Their cisterns are filled again -Sajithra

There is an invisible spark in every crowd Powerful enough to create a new life It takes the shape of an animal And, it keeps the mortals caged inside Sometimes, it is a Lion The generous spirit that respects even its kill enough to carefully cover the leftovers with twigs An offering, a gift, left behind for the hungry beasts Sometimes, it is a sheep They bleat about the generous master And, his gift - new shearing scissors Sometimes, it is a squirrel Well, all it does is squirreling No one knows what they want And, they don't care to find out where they want to go Sometimes it can be a hyena And, everyone becomes no one No one lynched him No one raped the girl No one bullied him to suicide Let's teach our children The secret of the crowd That will help them to live without masks Masters of their fate and slaves to none Children, if you are in a crowd Be the ones who add more light Speak out even when it seems to matter little Stand up and ra...

Grief I choose to be your friend, for it is in the deepest of grief that you find the secret of joy. I choose to make you my muse, for a memory of you is all it takes to touch God. I choose to hold your hands, for there is no difference between the most intense pain and pleasure. The weightessness bubbling at the edge of both. I choose you as my teacher, for it is destruction that makes things anew. Grief and I, We are old friends And, we always meet with our companion Joy. This Trinity is yours too But only if you learn to choose. -Sajithra

Lois Sofia, a 28 year old student was arrested and sent to jail because she shouted #fascistbjpdowndown onboard a flight in the presence of TN BJP Chief Tamilisai. Tamilisai, how do you expect her to react after your government gunned down people from her neighborhood when they peacefully protested against a company that consistantly flouted environmental laws. The BJP government used disproportionate force when ordinary people took to the streets protest against Sterlite. They had acted like a bunch of friendly campus security force during the Ram Rahim fiasco. When Ram Rahim was arrested on rape charges, his supporters went on a rampage. Public properties were damaged. Lives lost. And, yet Police limited their 'force' to lathi charge and fired bullets in the air. Tuticorin protests were against a company that had a bio leak in the past and is infamous for its disregard for pollution laws. Protesters were fighting for their right to live. Police killed 13 people wi...

I drink from this cup of pain Because someone has to I bear my Cross Because someone has to I fold my rags in a mahogany wardrobe Right next to my garb of splendor I pour the bitter myrrh in my finest Crystal And, I will say cheers to you when you drink your Cognac Surrender to accept what doesn't change Surrender to take away its power to break you Surrender to remember who you are Surrender, because you will rise from the ashes -Sajithra

Traditionally, the path of enlightenment and remaining in a state of bliss is associated with hibernation or leaving the material world far behind. It is possible to get to that stage without leaving anything behind. Jesus called it 'being in the world but not of the world' When you decide to give your focus on people, you are completely present. Then, you are not. Your emotions are directed to causes because people look too fragile. There is absolutely nothing to prove or clarify. You can easily find rules to exercise anger because it's important to keep the emotional intelligence intact. Your intuition is on over drive. Effectively, you are the architect of your matrix. You see the world as an illusion and you have found a way to rig it. There is no guilt. You enjoy the trappings of life but can also do without it. You make meaningful relationships but when they walk out, you say goodbye with a smile. And, then you shut the door. There comes a time when you feel co...

Major media houses except NDTV chose not to report on Arundhati Roy's press conference. I still cannot find the transcript for this. I loved how she opened with the Police's statement on the 5 (writers/lawyers/professors) arrested over a fudged letter. 'They are part of the anti-fascist front to overthrow the government'. Is that supposed to be a bad thing? Is the government owning the monicker 'fascist' regime with pride. Expect more arrests till the elections. Apparently, all it takes is 'finding' a letter that contains details about a maoist plot, peppered with names. Anyone who talks for the disenfranchised/Dalits/minorities and takes a stand against the government has a new name - 'Urban Naxal' How quiant.

There is compassion in destruction The flyaway ashes reveal an ancient fire The mirror that shows my ugly parts Becomes my guardian angel. Not long ago, staying high on bliss was home I found darkness a trace of sunlight, just painted black Now, crystalized scales fall off my eyes I wake up and panic in the abyss Should the choices remain the same? Well, what's your poison?, the voice asks A pleasing lie Or an ugly truth I ask for neither The truth was always there And, the lie was my set of blinkers Break those horse tacks But give me a new set of eyes I could go back to sleep Color nightmares into my personal rainbow. Make demons my dream-catchers And, when a skeleton lurks in the darkness Shout in jest 'Happy Halloween to you'. I could remain wide awake Burn hot in the embers of truth Hedge my bets Sharpen the spears Wage my battles from an unstable, bleeding, dark crevice. Or I could watch the battle but know it's futile Forgive myse...

Aug'17- 2 Muslim men lynched for transporting cattle   24 Muslims lynched, 124 attacked In Hindutva we trust, proclaim their tweets Protesters murdered, Farmers shot Just another hill of discarded meat Media is dead Bought or bled They gouged their eyes out but gave them a new mouth Slipped on with no teeth and they all look the same Reasons aplenty when the weak leads Roars are pitch-corrected to friendly bleats 500 people died in flood, we cry The sin against the Cow, they say Rupee at an all time low They laugh Congress in 1947 caused the fall We close our windows Keep blood out the doors It stinks still The flies buzz around They walk with sickles in hand Pied Pipers lay claim to our land Become a zombie or pretend to be one Don't talk, don't see, don't feel And, yet Heroes rise To pay the price With Love With Life They fall with a smile They are crushed into divine light We feel We see Crimson clouds everywhere! It ...

The internet is replete with a number of self-help gurus. Most have a predictable template that cults typically follow for mind-control, albeit with varying degrees. I am super cautious of people I listen to because the most dangerous factor that distracts us from following our path is bias. Bias primes us and can impact our decision making process and actions in every possible way. It's impossible to be free of bias but we can always try to limit its hold on us. 1) What is the 'hook'? What made you notice them? Marketers trade emotions. The easiest way to get someone's attention is working with their fear and guilt. If a self-help guru starts with your fear and build that to evoke guilt for doing something, run fast! Away, NOT towards them!! 2) How much freedom do you have? If they have figured out the finer details of how to live your life, their intention is to control you. Good teachers would only offer broad guidelines that can be broken down to granular ...

The violent counter part of this poem is  here The Sufi's notion of Love is seeing God as the beloved. More often than not, God is the lover in Rumi's poems. The earth kissed her feet Warm, Tender, Soft She slipped Slid into the belly of a wet, paddy field Its scent on her back Coarse sand on her neck She took a breath Hu! The sun touched her brows Draping its rays as a veil It dripped down Like a runnel of desire A thousand caresses Sieving through her breasts Her tummy squeezed out a breath Hu! She stretched out her hands Her fingers found the palm of wind It tip toed around her body And touched her tongue Slowly at first and then like a storm A blaze of sweet trickle pressed her mouth Her throat felt a ball of fire That stretched her body out Like a bow A breath sneaked in Hu! She saw the stars She saw Time The Universe She saw Love itself A song without words And, it covered her With a glimpse of an ancient memory She...