I emerge like a tree from a dirty seed;

That wall you build around you is blocking your sunlight Those little locks around your voice rations your breathing You are your own prisoner And, you are choking to death So, fuck those rules Don't waste 5 minutes on fake small talk if all you need is a favour Don't ask yourself whose turn is it to split the bill There is no optimal time to visit Or the right words to life's usecases Hack the auto pilot mode in your head Wake up! Take a sledge hammer to your wall Stop the suicide of your authentic self Oh, don't bother searching for keys Breakaway Breathe... Run! Fly!! -Sajithra

ENLIGHTENMENT 1. There is compassion in destruction The flyaway ashes reveal an ancient fire The mirror that shows my ugly parts Becomes my guardian angel. 2. Not long ago, staying high on bliss was home I found darkness a trace of sunlight, just painted black Now, crystalized scales fall off my eyes I wake up and panic in the abyss Should the choices remain the same? Well, what's your poison?, the voice asks A pleasing lie Or an ugly truth I ask for neither The truth was always there And, the lie was my set of blinkers Break those horse tacks But give me a new set of eyes 3. I could go back to sleep Color nightmares into my personal rainbow. Make demons my dream-catchers And, when a skeleton lurks in the darkness Shout in jest 'Happy Halloween to you'. 4. I could remain wide awake Burn hot in the embers of truth Hedge my bets Sharpen the spears Wage my battles from an unstable, bleeding, dark crevice. Or 5. I could watch the battle but kno...

I found a mall under construction. Planning to spend time to access my hidden parts and work on my art. It's about purging. Having the courage to peel off the defenses. It's about tearing off the walls and the priming of social constructs. It's messy. I would either come out with a new perspective or make a choice to go back to the illusion. Either ways, a journey worth the pain. I might not be updating my blog at least for a week..

I had a long phone call with Sugi like the good old days. If everything works out well, after Sugi does her usual Dec stay at my home, I will plan a week in Singapore with her. Fingers crossed! Life is beautiful :)

Sugi has been quite busy with her new work and classes. She reached out today. When she did, I wasn't really surprised. Benj Anna and I had a conversation about telepathy earlier this week. Sugi and I definitely have that. Pauline and I had it too. Sensing energies, knowing when to talk, using similar words, and at times replying when the other person had only thought about that question becomes natural and so does synchronicity. It gets stronger with time and acknowledgement. That doesn't work with Benj Anna though and Sanju is not in my frequency either. You can only see the ones in resonance. It's a gift to find people with a connection that is much stronger than the physical reality. That's how life's mission becomes clearer because we are not meant to do this alone. Everyone who has walked the path of the Universe with impact had at least one person in their life with that connection. Cherish it when you find one.

Back home with the babies :)

4:39 It's raining. I need to get the kids! I wasn't able to get an Ola cab. Run through the rain and find an auto? That should be fun. Damn. I need to find an ATM for cash. Or hope that Ola has the online option autos avaiaavai.

'A star is born' is intense. Not the kind of movie one watches while thinking about a best mate's suicide. However, the movie spoke to me. I needed that. Bought a cool Carpe Diem T-Shirt. Pardon the chipped nail polish and the going for a morning jog face. That was the idea of having an off day. I don't care.

Should I have stayed back in my room with a book? Going to watch 'A star is born'. That should engage my mind.

After aimlessly wandering with this song  on loop blaring on my head phones, stopped for brunch at Cafe Noir Smoked Salmon Bruschetta and mocktail.

Today, I am planning to appreciate the good things in life. I have the entire day. So, planning to do things that I enjoy. It's appreciation day.  I am at Starbucks. I don't feel like having coffee but this is what I like. Almond Biscotti and a Lemon loaf cake. I will finish this and decide what to do next. 

Pauline, Happy birthday! I will see you soon enough!!  Beautiful Beautiful death!!! LYRICS Carry on my wayward son For there'll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don't you cry no more Once I rose above the noise and confusion Just to get a glimpse beyond the illusion I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man Though my mind could think I still was a mad man I hear the voices when I'm dreamin', I can hear them say Carry on my wayward son For there'll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don't you cry no more Masquerading as a man with a reason My charade is the event of the season And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know On a stormy sea of moving emotion Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean I set a course for winds of fortune, but I hear the voices say Carry on my wayward son For there'...

When people come together and agree on something that is not self-serving, expect miracles. The paths can differ but the source remains the same. When I was on a coffee break, this update made me smile. The kid was in the ICU on a ventilator. She got admitted for H1N1 influenza (swine flu) yesterday. 4 people died in Bangalore within 44 days because of this outbreak. More concerning with children. I do believe that when a group of people pray without selfishness, there is a manifestation of healing - but only if that's meant to happen. It's unfortunate when some preachers make it a parlor trick. If they could turn it on at will, they should stay in hospitals. It doesn't need to be dogmatic or religious. There is a higher power above us, a reality beyond our perceptions. When we focus on that, we will also remember who we are.

If you haven't seen eaglets learning to fly, go here to explore. There are very few things that are more satisfying. I should remember to take a video tomorrow. The old ones must have moved in during Aug, accounting the time to hatch and fly. I started spotting them everyday only around Sep though it was quite often for a couplr of months and now some new families are nesting too. Interesting! I found this story online but could not find the actual source. How inspiring! Don't overthink. Jump. Fly away! The sky is the limit. The nest of young eagles hung on every word as the Master Eagle described his exploits. This was an important day for the eaglets. They were preparing for their first solo flight from the nest. It was the confidence builder many of them needed to fulfill their destiny. "How far can I travel?" asked one of the eaglets. "How far can you see?" responded the Master Eagle. "How high can I fly?" quizzed the young eaglet. ...

Pakistan warns of 10 surgical strikes against India  * *Conditions apply That reminds me of Pakistani singer Atif Aslam. The man is gifted! This is from the Pakistani film Bol. Only Politicians benefit from this conflict between India and Pakistan. May Love win over hate! This song means 'Love is bound to happen and it happened' Hope that's true for Pakistan-India soon enough!

A few eagle families are making my apartment complex their home. I saw one carrying a stick for its nest this week. I wish I had taken a pic. I see one everyday.  If I don't, my mother seems to get a fwd of an eagle that she sends me, and one day a friend shared a video without knowing the plot - it was about  a team called the eagles with a coach who used 'gratitude even for miseries' the secret to success. Sugi asked me if I shifted since I have been seeing one everyday. There weren't any when she visited in December . Now that the eagles are nesting, I don't see just one. I see a convocation of eagles. This is a video from 9th Oct. I was back from my yoga class and focused my camera, hoping that an eagle wouldcome towards my direction. It took mere seconds. Eagles are majestic and powerful. This makes me reconsider my desire for vulnerability. Why choose it when you can be powerful. We are a part of the Universe and we share its power.

Death is a drug. Ask anyone who tasted it but were spit back to the land of the living. The only reason not to die is reverence for the plans of the Universe, the possibility that the presence can be beneficial for the family and others. I have never understood why people fear death. It's inevitable and sometimes the absence helps people more if the survival aspect of the family is taken care of.

Keep your wings light Don't load it with steel hulls Don't bother painting it to match the rainbow Who cares if it's polished enough to reflect the skyline Soar above Rustic, Unadorned, Unfettered Don't put in work to deserve the skies You can't And, you don't have to Let go Risk the fall Soar above Dance to the music of your heart strings There is no formula, no framework, no sprint plan No perfect set of wings to compare yourself with The wind doesn't hold pageants My perfectly flawed girl, soar above Stop running away when it rains Trust your wings And soar above the Clouds -Sajithra

    October is a bitter sweet month. My best friend Pauline would have been 36 on October 17th. She chose to remain 16 forever. I don't remember much from the week she committed suicide. It's all a blur. I must have repressed to cope. I remember only pieces of it like torn away pages from an old book. It's fading. It's crumbling. And, I let it. Perhaps, it's a fairy tale and I had to rip off the last page because I didn't want it to be a tragedy. We both were new to that School and met after we signed up for an inter school competition. We were in the same class. I ended up coming first in quite a few. The first sentence she spoke to me was 'I think, I envy you' with an expression of concern. I remember telling her that envy is okay as she wasn't acting on it. She had an impeccable command over English. I admired her. We became inseparable after that day. We worked together and would come back with enough trophies every time. If she were not a...

I choose to be your friend, for it is in the deepest of grief that you find the secret of joy. I choose to make you my muse, for a memory of you is all it takes to touch God. I choose to hold your hands, for there is no difference between the most intense pain and pleasure. The weightessness bubbling at the edge of both. I choose you as my teacher, for it is destruction that makes things anew. Grief and I, We are old friends And, we always meet with our companion Joy. This Trinity is yours too But only if you learn to choose.

Today is Mahatma Gandhi's 150th birth anniversary. Thirumurugan Gandhi has crossed his 50th day in prison. This is his speech at the UN that got him arrested under sedition charges. He is in the ICU now. After 50 days of no medical attention, Doctors convinced the government to admit Thirumurugan Gandhi in ICU. He was kept in a dark room with no windows even before he could be convicted. The Police forced him to travel 9200 Kms, often without bio breaks. And, all because he spoke against the state sponsored massacre of peaceful protesters who were against Sterlite, a company that floated environmental laws and caused an out break of cancer and skin diseases.  The sacrifice of people like him is enough to sink this fascist government.Goodness will prevail. The proxy government in TN based on an unholy alliance will fall.  Kerala, ruled by the Communists that they so despise is growing stronger. It's funny to see the government branding people against the govern...