Stillness

The tentacles of stillness wrap me tight

It grows around me like a cocoon

My heart beats faster with painful efforts to look out

Promises to be kept, deadlines to scale and agendas galore calling out to me.

I slid my hand around those walls

And learned to enjoy the sweet taste of stillness

Oh why do I even think that I make things happen?

When I can’t even take my next breath if chance had a different plan

Everything blurs out to oblivion

And I try to mend myself in the warmth of stillness.

Like a caterpillar we scurry around

With thoughts on walls scaled and obstacles crossed

But it is this moment of waiting and knowing

That brings out the colors

It is this moment of stillness and humility

That brings out the wings.

Caught the whisper

A  whisper  rises
From the land of the Old
I  drown  it  in  the  sound  of  TV,
The  traffic 
And  the  everyday  humdrum;

A  moment  of  solitude  caught the  whisper
Words from  my forgotten version

I  had become a  collection  of  memories,
A  stale reminder  of  my  past
The  infant,  the  child,  the  teen,  and  the  woman  I  am  today.
But before  I  was  born,  I  was limitless
 A design,  purpose,  pure  unsurpassed  love


I  hold  its  elapsed  reminders
Locked  in  a  box,  tucked  away  into  obscurity;
But  it  whispers,  it  hums  and  tries  to  remind  me
Of  who I  am  and  who  I  could  be.

Listen  to  the  whisper  within
It  will  tell  you  your  purpose  of  life
And  if  that  goes  beyond  your perceived self  and  your  life  time
You  will  know
You  have  caught  that  whisper

Child abuse in TV actor's home

I was appalled to watch the news item about the ruthless assault on a child by TV actor Urvashi. It is repulsing and painful to see the feudal mentality of some people. How could people treat others with bucket loads of hatred.

The underprivileged is not different from us except that chance left some on the streets and left us inside posh malls. This is nothing to be proud of. This is just a piece of reality in life that we all are part of and is to be accepted with humility. This too shall pass. Ever heard of someone who lived hundreds of years holding on to wealth, health and power. The sounds of opulence and sighs of the grief stricken poor all merge together in the scheme of life.


We are a society build on debt. Many of the elite educated class’s networth runs in negative millions because of credit card burden and loans. In that sense the maid could easily be the wealthier one. Many who are blessed with money also presume that entitlement comes with the package. In essence we are caged inside our own aspirations and delusions of grandeur and that is a fertile ground for comparisons. In a competitive world of aspiring to live the life of somebody else, we delude ourselves into thinking that somebody is below us. The maids and attendants are easy targets to fuel this dementia.

I love the dialogue in matrix “What is real? How do you define “real”? If you’re talking about your senses—what you feel, taste, smell, or see—then all you’re talking about are electrical signals interpreted by your brain.” Sometimes when I see someone, branded ‘mad’ by the public having personal conversations to self, I smile and try to imagine what this person would be experiencing. If life is all about perceived memories, senses and experiences how are we so different from such people. It’s funny when we take ourselves too seriously.

We cannot do anything for that child abused by Urvashi. Smile at that beggar on the streets, tell your maid how much you appreciate him/her, remember to thank the attendants who clear your coffee cup. Any time is a good time to show some kindness.

Job 5:8-16 "But if it were I, I would appeal to God; I would lay my cause before him. He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted. He bestows rain on the earth; he sends water upon the countryside. The lowly he sets on high, and those who mourn are lifted to safety. He thwarts the plans of the crafty, so that their hands achieve no success. He catches the wise in their craftiness, and the schemes of the wily are swept away. Darkness comes upon them in the daytime; at noon they grope as in the night. He saves the needy from the sword in their mouth; he saves them from the clutches of the powerful. So the poor have hope, and injustice shuts its mouth."

Michael Jackson-Can there be another?

“Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities” Albert Einstein

This fits well with MJ’s life- a life marked by extraordinary highs and lows. The world has still not got over Michael Jackson’s death. Surprisingly, the usual ridicule has given way to awe. May his soul rest in peace.

I have always been a big fan of him. His plastic surgeries made him look like a ghost. His interviews sounded like he was spaced out. He walked in a different world that we couldn’t touch. I realized that MJ’s power was in breaking away from the limitations of the world and not in fitting in.

To me MJ was more of a spirit than a human. He was a spirit that was uncomfortable in this world, uncomfortable about the rules and norms and the limitations. He dared to create his own world and he scaled new heights by doing so.


People who know him cannot stop talking about his humility. He made his fans feel as if he was their fan than the other way around. He always yearned for perfection and he knew that the world was no place for that. He spoke of healing and actually did that in his own way.

MJ was a little child trapped in an adult’s body. As a child he was forced to become an adult and when he grew up he regressed back. He held on to the innocence and sweetness and was untainted by the norms. The wisdom of a child is much more than any adult, they say. That was true with Michael and that gave him the immense power to shake the world. He left a great legacy behind, the legacy of a man who never failed to dream, who retained the purity and innocence of a child and yet wielded invincible power that millions can only imagine. And throughout his highs and lows he remained humble and sweet.

Ridiculers do not understand that this man could not be normal with the kind of creativity and power that he was blessed with. Normalcy would not have created MJ-the legend. That’s a good price to pay, given what MJ achieved within his limited time.

I loved the memorial and was touched by how lovely his kids have turned out. Biological or not, they love him and he has brought them up really well. He lived a life that we cannot relate to. But we can never deny the fact that he gave back much more than what the world gave him. He was and will always remain the ‘King of pop’.

The only downer was the song "We have come to see the king' used for MJ. But I was relieved that Pastor Lucius Smith put things in perspective in his closing prayer by saying "The King of Pop must bend his knee to the King of Kings"

“In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe.”
—Michael Jackson

Random Questions to myself

Sugi posted this on her blog and this is too cool to pass. So I took that up…

Yeah I know, I am so lazy in coming up with a new post :-p

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
I love the new hair cut. That gal did an amazing job.

2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?
Rs 10 and sodexo passes worth 1500+

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
Core, four, score, shore, more, wore

4. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Left my mob at home (AGAIN!)

5. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
Vibration mode. (Now my phone is broke and is perpetually on silent mode)

6. What are you wearing right now?
Yellow shirt, Dark trousers and a black waist coat

7. Do you label yourself?
Yes. I do that a lot. And some labels stick longer!

8. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently own?
Bata. That is my first brand and we have come full circle. Is that lame?

9. Bright or Dark Room?
Warm glow

10. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
She is gorgeous. Inside and out!

11. What does your watch look like?
Chunky Steel

12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Was watching TV with my hubby, simultaneously playing around the internet

13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
The last text that I read was a marketing SPAM message from this retail store ‘STAR’.

14. What’s a word that you say a lot?
Great

15. Who told you he/she loved you last?(please exclude spouse , family, children)
A sweet person said “I love you forever” in a telecon.

16. Last furry thing you touched?
My mink blanket

17. Favorite age you have been so far?
17

18. What was the last thing you said to someone?
“Bye” to a colleague

19. The last song you listened to?
I was listening to Amy Grant’s songs yesterday. Am not able to figure out the exact song.

20. Where did you live in 1987?
Kotticode, KK District, Tamilnadu

21. Are you jealous of anyone?
No but I can get possessive at times.

22. Is anyone jealous of you?
I can’t read hearts!

23. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
My engagement ring, the first ring that sanju gifted, my debit/credit cards

24. What’s your favorite town/city?
Bangalore.

25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
Can’t remember

26. Can you change the oil on a car?
No

27. Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
Not keeping tabs

28. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
No

29. What is your current desktop picture?
Sanju’s pic

30. Have you been burnt by love?
Yes
" For our God is a consuming fire." Hebrews 12:28-29

Pride-Is the culprit over confidence?

Have you faced people who suck the energy out of you with long winding tales about themselves? Have you wondered at times how a person can have so much pride?

I don’t subscribe to the theory that overconfidence is the culprit for this “I am THE ultimate gift to the world” attitude. It is an inadequate sense of self esteem that actually sows the seeds of pride. A healthy self esteem respects others notwithstanding differing ideologies. There are times I have caught myself talking about some one else and then realize that the root cause was actually a kind of doubt on myself. When you work on having a healthy self esteem you stop all comparisons and understand that right and wrong is all about standards. And this standard differs person to person.


An ingrained feeling of inadequacy is defended by a false pride. This is not a natural emotion and hence gets across viciously through a swish of negative energy. This is also characterized by a closed, defensive (territorial hostility) behavior. I read somewhere that a low self-esteem makes people involve in backstabbing, malicious gossip and high handed criticism.

When someone talks about someone else, listen really hard. You are about to know a lot more about the speaker than the other person. I don’t think that Amartya Sen goes around talking about people who are not ‘intelligent’ enough. Nor will Angelina Jolie talk about how ugly somebody else looks. If a person spends a lot of time undermining another person or resort to malicious gossip you can easily make out that false pride is in action there.

False pride works like this “Nobody is OK. But Iam going to make you think that I am OK”. If you know anybody who projects such false pride, treat them with kindness. Trying to correct them by giving facts will not work. Spending time trying to reason with this person will leave you with a head ache. Try to understand what triggers this false pride and be supportive. If the toxic dump steals your day, keep away from them though. It’s a balance that you need to choose. If you criticize others often, ask yourself “Am I really trying to make this person better. Or am I in denial of some issues and just want to feel better by painting this person black?” Remember motivating is about making people do what they want to do. Manipulating is about making people do what you want to do. Constructive criticism to make some one better is Motivating. High handed criticizm to feel better needs some soul searching to purge false pride.

The ultimate goal-Passion or dispassion?

We all tread on the path towards self realization though the answers are not definite. We want to connect with ourselves and the universe at large but stumble on big questions. Is it passion or dispassion that brings the best out of me? Isn’t passion a mark of attachment? Isn’t freedom from all bondages the ultimate goal?

To me passion is not attachment. Attachment is obsessed with the past or the future but Passion is linked to the moment. Attachment is that chronic yearning whereas Passion is pure acceptance. Attachment is desire that triggers the fear of losing, but Passion has no fear. Passion is pouring one’s self for something worthy.

To be dispassionate is disrespecting the gift of life. How can I walk through life without a sense of wonder! I read somewhere that to be passionate you don’t need to be attached. You need to be engaged. I don’t need to be attached to my passions in bondage. But I owe it to life to be engaged. My ultimate goal is to be aware of the everyday miracles of life. I want to be moved when the wind blows. I want to celebrate the fresh smell of grass after the rain. I want to be passionate about life itself!

“Nothing great in the world has ever been accomplished without passion.”- Hebbel

Left or Right or Somewhere in between!

I was surprised to read this quote of Karl Marx.
“Owners of capital will stimulate the working class to buy more and more of expensive goods, houses and technology, pushing them to take more and more expensive credits, until their debt becomes unbearable. The unpaid debt will lead to bankruptcy of banks, which will have to be nationalized, and the State will have to take the road which will eventually lead to communism” Karl Marx, Das Kapital

Eerily Only the last part “the State will have to take the road which will eventually lead to communism” is left unfulfilled. Will it happen? If so is it good?
Communism without corruption rests only in theory just as an unfettered capitalism does.

The simplest truths are the most powerful. It’s poise and balance that protects our universe. It’s that space between yes and no that gives hope. It’s not communism or extremist religion masquerading as politics or outright capitalism that would save the economy. It’s when we take responsibility for our money and live with poise. First came the thesis that Capitalism would save the world. Then Karl Marx came up with the atithesis that communism would do that job. It’s time to synthesis this two and be accountable and responsible.

An ordinary tax paying citizen who neither hoards money nor lives off credit cards is the best person to save the economy. If this recession and uncertainty is a much needed lesson then let’s take it on our stride. This too shall pass!