Have you faced people who suck the energy out of you with long winding tales about themselves? Have you wondered at times how a person can have so much pride?
I don’t subscribe to the theory that overconfidence is the culprit for this “I am THE ultimate gift to the world” attitude. It is an inadequate sense of self esteem that actually sows the seeds of pride. A healthy self esteem respects others notwithstanding differing ideologies. There are times I have caught myself talking about some one else and then realize that the root cause was actually a kind of doubt on myself. When you work on having a healthy self esteem you stop all comparisons and understand that right and wrong is all about standards. And this standard differs person to person.
An ingrained feeling of inadequacy is defended by a false pride. This is not a natural emotion and hence gets across viciously through a swish of negative energy. This is also characterized by a closed, defensive (territorial hostility) behavior. I read somewhere that a low self-esteem makes people involve in backstabbing, malicious gossip and high handed criticism.
When someone talks about someone else, listen really hard. You are about to know a lot more about the speaker than the other person. I don’t think that Amartya Sen goes around talking about people who are not ‘intelligent’ enough. Nor will Angelina Jolie talk about how ugly somebody else looks. If a person spends a lot of time undermining another person or resort to malicious gossip you can easily make out that false pride is in action there.
False pride works like this “Nobody is OK. But Iam going to make you think that I am OK”. If you know anybody who projects such false pride, treat them with kindness. Trying to correct them by giving facts will not work. Spending time trying to reason with this person will leave you with a head ache. Try to understand what triggers this false pride and be supportive. If the toxic dump steals your day, keep away from them though. It’s a balance that you need to choose. If you criticize others often, ask yourself “Am I really trying to make this person better. Or am I in denial of some issues and just want to feel better by painting this person black?” Remember motivating is about making people do what they want to do. Manipulating is about making people do what you want to do. Constructive criticism to make some one better is Motivating. High handed criticizm to feel better needs some soul searching to purge false pride.
So true da. I've always thought that people say bad things about others either when their self esteem gets hurt or when they are guilty of it themselves.
ReplyDeleteGood thoughts here! I often look at Jesus who is pinnacle of humility and confidence. I think it is great freedom not to have to worry about self-promotion, self-defense, or self-justification.
ReplyDeleteYeah da Sugi you are absolutely right. This is more like a defense mechanism of displacing blame.
ReplyDeleteBro I too look at Jesus for guidance. It is indeed a freedom not to worry about self justification as it doesn't matter at all. WWJD is something that has put me on track time to time.
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