Melting Standards

Nets aimed at shooting stars

Heart lusting its glitter and spark

Naïve for Greatness, Glory and Fame

Minions march to make a name

Barbaric hunters with a pile of skulls
Artists flaunting mastered skills

Emperors, Cardinals from different times

Modern entrepreneurs hoarding gains

The world looks up in need of a purpose
Craving a promise of dreams in surplus
Like the moon drunk on light it borrows

Aspires to be the sun every night and morrows

To read more https://www.amazon.com.au/Trees-dirty-seeds-SAJITHRA-K-ebook/dp/B01BF6VL4G

Christianity and the Homosexuality issue

     This is something that has been in my mind lately. More so because of how the fundamentalist and evangelical churches point at Homosexuals as the culprits for any disaster - natural or otherwise. If there is a hurricane, prominent preachers don't waste any time in accusing them as the cause of God's wrath. There is much outcry against Homosexual marriages. As a practising Christian, this disturbs me a lot. If we have to go by the Jesus Christ portrayed in the Bible, I am sure that if he were to walk as a human in this century, he wouldn't refuse a party invitation from them.

 All creation is beautiful. If someone is created that way, perhaps there is a reason to it as Christ rightly said in Matt 19

 "For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake"

It's funny how people quote Leviticus to condemn homosexuals ignoring other chapters and verses from the same book. Leviticus has rules that prohibit shaving the side burns as well. The Laws were given because of the hard heartedness of the people. But at any given point of biblical time, those laws were redemptive than the culture around them. Jesus Christ broke some of the laws and yet said that he was fulfilling them. He could see the spirit behind the law. Sometimes following the very law means breaking it. Context is the key.

The old covenant was based on law, the new covenant is based on grace . All 613 laws of Moses were replaced by a simple commandment from Jesus ( Galatians 5:14 - For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, "YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.") If we are prejudiced against people who are different from us out of fear of the church and the preachers, how can we say that we honour the new covenant. 

Christ stopped people from stoning a woman charged with Adultery. He didn't keep the Sabbath when that meant helping people. And when He taught about the judgement - Love was the only reference. 

Matt 25 31-33 “When he finally arrives, blazing in beauty and all his angels with him, the Son of Man will take his place on his glorious throne. Then all the nations will be arranged before him and he will sort the people out, much as a shepherd sorts out sheep and goats, putting sheep to his right and goats to his left.
34-36 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what’s coming to you in this kingdom. It’s been ready for you since the world’s foundation. And here’s why:
I was hungry and you fed me,I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,I was homeless and you gave me a room,I was shivering and you gave me clothes,I was sick and you stopped to visit,I was in prison and you came to me.’37-40 “Then those ‘sheep’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?’ Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.

It is a medical fact that some are born with that disposition.
They should be able to enjoy Love and companionship. ( 1 Cor 7: 9

We don't get to judge anyone unless we are 100% sure of what we would have done a better job than that person even if we were born with their disposition, faced the circumstances that they faced, met the kind of people they met in life etc. Because while judging, we are setting up the standards with which we will be judged later. 

Matt 77 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

That's why the kind of people Christ admonished were Hypocrites and Religious teachers. He dined with the 'sinners' because he didn't merely see the choices, he saw the inner person that made those choices despite their disadvantages. 

Christ did not pile up rules for people to follow. He gave the ultimate golden rule to take care of every aspect of life. His formula was simple - Love God, treat others the way you would like to be treated, be tolerant about personal insults but don't be a wimp - use anger and fight against hypocrisy/injustice. He never started his day thinking about how he would be perceived by others. If that's the case, he wouldn't have been caught speaking with the Samaritan woman, dining with 'sinners' or rescuing a woman from getting stoned for adultery. He took the whip when needed - but that was not to admonish someone's transgression from the norms. It was to thrash religious Hypocrisy. 

If we call him our Father, we should not forget that he is the Father to everyone -irrespective of religion, race, gender, social standing, intellect, sexual disposition... And he Loves everyone just the same. 

To the operation theatre and back

There are times when we understand the gravity of a situation without letting emotions cloud our judgement. It helps maintain our objectivity to support a friend. Rarely, that someone is you and that moment makes you an observer too. This also showed me what authentic leadership is. I had a presentation to the Global CEO Ben Verwayen. My reporting manager is Vishy Poosala, the CTO of Alcatel-Lucent Messaging and Head of Bell Labs. I asked him to present and he chose to cancel it because he wanted me to take the credit for my work. 

We visited Dr. Disha Sridhar at Motherhood, Bangalore with a positive on the urine pregnancy test on 6th Oct. We made plans to manage the pregnancy. Since the ultrasound slots were full at the hospital, we got the TVS done in the nearby test centre Clumax. The ultrasound couldn’t detect the gestational sac in the uterus yet though the urine pregnancy test was positive. There was nothing to indicate a tubular pregnancy either. 

Dr. Disha reviewed the ultrasound results and asked us to check back in 10 days. I thought of getting the tests done on a Saturday (Oct 20^th). 

I woke up with a bad hunch on Oct 18^th morning and asked Sanju to book an evening appointment. I leave office only around 7.30 PM but that day he came to pick me up around 6 PM so that we could make it on time for the appointment. While taking the lift down, I started feeling nauseous. By the time I reached the car, I was in severe pain. At that point, I just wanted to go home and lie down. I thought that it was a miscarriage. 

 I realized that something was drastically wrong when I stepped out of the car. My legs felt weightless. The lady at the counter took one look at me and immediately got me attended by Dr. Ranjani. She alerted the staff that it was an emergency and stopped the other patients in the Ultrasound room. They found out that it was a tubular pregnancy. The tube had ruptured. There was severe internal bleeding. I was blacking out.

 I felt an ebb and flow and at some levels it felt liberating. Those peaks during the oscillation wouldn't hurt.  Apparently, I was going on shock. They rushed to prepare for the surgery. Dr. Disha Sridhar told me that it was a life saving surgery. We were fortunate to have reached there in the nick of time. Sanju asked them to do whatever it takes to save me. I asked Dr. Disha if it was going to be under general anaesthesia. She said yes. 'You won't feel anything'.

When I was wheeled into the surgery room, there was a moment of doubt. I prayed 'God, forgive any sins that I might have committed knowingly or unknowingly' - it was a blanket confession in my mind to face the Maker. I couldn't really remember anything wrong. I remembered the verse 'my strength is made perfect in weakness' in Tamil. (My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.) 

There was no fear. I was ready to meet my maker. I remember smiling.

 Then, I reminded myself that it was divine protection that made us plan a hospital visit and perhaps it means that I would survive. I could have mistaken the pain for a miscarriage and rested in the sick room.  Apparently, the pain only lasts for two hours and then it is fatal without a medical intervention.  My mind was on auto pilot for some time. After my best friend committed suicide, I developed a new perspective to life and death. That helped. I felt peace and then I observed the people frantically preparing me for surgery.  I started talking with the people around to lighten up the mood. Started joking around. The doctor who was preparing me for anaesthesia joked with me - we laughed that they were painting my back referring to the smear before the injection and then I felt a slight pressure. The doc said that they were going to paint my stomach too and that I would be completely unconscious in a few minutes. I remember laughing aloud. Then I got another injection and my last memory was some kind of clock ticking.

It was a dreamless sleep as if time was ripped away in parts without a trace. After the surgery, I woke up for a moment.

When I woke up again, I saw Sanju. The doctors were behind me. I didn’t know that then.

Apparently, I asked Sanju
Did I remember to thank the doctors? 

Does this hospital have wifi? I have a presentation tomorrow.
Dr. Disha would later joke about it.

Sanju then pointed that our friends Souditi and Vijayan were there.  I smiled and then slept again. Dr. Disha said that I shouldn’t worry about the presentation when I was drifting away.

My next memory is lying on a bed with IVs on both hands. I vomited when they transfused blood. The nurses cleaned me up. The next day I texted my colleagues that I had a surgery but that I would make it for the evening presentation. I blame the cocktail of drugs 🤪

When Dr. Disha visited me, I asked her if I could go back home by noon. I didn’t feel any pain at that point. I was completely drugged. She told me that I had lost 1 litre of blood and that they had to remove the tube that ruptured. It was a major operation.  They would discharge me only after 3 days. After she left, I thought of recording my presentation and sharing it. So what, I have lost one tube but I have got one left. That should do ;) I remembered that I was wearing a purple shirt and black waist coat while coming in. Well, that works.

When Sanju went out to get something, I disconnected the tube connecting the IVs , dressed up and by the time he came back, I had started recording. The batt was low and it went off in 3 minutes. Sanju called up my friend Souditi and she offered to bring a charger and also a laptop from her home. Meanwhile, my manager called me up and told me to stop worrying about  the presentation and that the important thing was my health. I felt that if my manager or the Head of the division for which I was doing the project speaks on behalf of me it would be nice too. I had already shared the slide deck. This was a follow up presentation to  Ben Verwayen. I was chosen to lead a Global project after a country level initiative I led and Vishy being the kind of leader he is let me do this without any interference.  They decided that I was working on it and so I should be the one to do the presentation and postponed that to December. And after a while it hit me.  This was happening to me and I was behaving like a person in someone else’s story.  I rested. 

They started liquid food the next day. My parents arrived the day after that. Souditi and Vijayan visited me twice everyday. They had got us fruits, biscuits and change of clothes for Sanju. Later, I would know that I would repeat the same story  at times but they would react as if they were hearing it for the first time! How kind! And, so typical of Sajithra.

Dr. Disha later told us that I was very brave. It was not really courage and I cannot take any credit. It wasn't reason or personal fortitude. There is something that I believe with my whole heart – everything happens for my good and God/ Goddess/Universe/or if Elon Musk is right, the programmer running this in simulation is in control always.  

Yesterday night while praying, I remembered the verse that we should give thanks in all circumstances and I said ‘Thank you God for the surgery. I don’t know why it happened. May be, some scars are beautiful. May be, you wanted to build some depth of character in me. May be, you were teaching me something and I might have already learned the lesson through this. I just don’t know that yet. Thanks' 

They say that the saddest phrases start with ‘If only’ - that’s true for the happiest ones as well. If we had not booked the appointment, if we had not got the evening slot, if Sanju had not come on time, if the receptionist didn’t understand the gravity of the situation, if Dr. Ranjini didn’t get me an emergency scan, if I had lost more blood, if Dr. Disha had not come on time for the surgery- I wouldn't have survived that day.

 It could be a long string of coincidences but it is beautiful when I trace a pattern and point that to God’s protection. I am grateful for the gift of faith. It makes life a beautiful story and we get to live in it. 

FGM

I was 16 when I read the story of Waris Dirie in Readers Digest. <You can read the story of Waris here > I almost threw up after reading about Female Genital Mutilation. It affected me so much that I started talking about it. This catapulted the aversion that I always had for any sort of inequality. I started talking about the atrocities against women caused by the patriarchal mind set. Not exactly an appropriate topic in a conservative society where life revolved around a church in the village. The prejudices that I saw around me looked trivial in comparison. But I couldn't accept the soft patriarchy of the protestant church as a compromise where women are considered equals in the society, encouraged to work, even ordained as priests in the church but would have to submit to the headship of a man at home. I was never a rude child but I could not fit myself into a role dictated by culture. I was weary of multiple masks. I wanted to be the same person whether I was at church, home, village, school or the nearby town. Once a teacher told me 'There is so much fire in you. But don't get burned' after reading my poems. I am not considered a rebel any more because things that mattered so much to people in my home town look trivial now - even to them . That phase did help me to move out of my comfort zone, explore a world outside and make my own choices.

I wrote this poem about FGM last Novemeber as a tribute to that intense emotion I felt many years back while reading the story of Waris.....

Blood  coils  around  the  desert  plant
Like  a  serpent  ready  for  its  prey;

Dripping  through  the  green  leaves,
It  glistens  with  a  shameless  sheen;
Darkness  lunges  with  lust
And  licks  up  the  crimson  stains;

The  stains  slide  into  its  belly,
Deep,  cold  and  hungry;
Crevices  laced  with  tales  of  butchered  Innocence,
The  chapters  of  pain  entwine,
It  could  be  anyone  and  hence  it  was  everyone;

There  is  a  little  girl  lying  under  the  bushes,
Waiting  for  her  moment  to  come
Someone  said  that  this  would  mark  her  ‘the  woman’,
For  a  Prince  who  waits  in  a  distant  land

She  saw  a  stone  glinting  in  the  afternoon  sun
And  the  next  instant  it  sliced  her  nakedness;
She  bit  on  a  root,  her  eyes  slowly  turning  red
Heart beating  with  the  familiar  phrase
‘A  woman’s  sound  should  never  be  heard’;

Another  savage  blow  and  her  petals  were  ripped
Punctured,  squashed,  and  stitched
Flesh  and  blood  mired  with  sand

Mocking  that  dry  desert  in  a  wet  swamp
She  laid  there  waiting  for  the  darkness  to  come
‘When  the  sun  shines  back  I  will  be  a  woman’;

Blood  rushing  to  her  head,
Shivering  like  a  fish  on  land,
She  laid  there  bidding  her  time

http://www.amazon.com/Trees-dirty-seeds-SAJITHRA-K-ebook/dp/B01BF6VL4G

To know about FGM: Wikipedia: